Sodexo to Replace All Chicken with Cat Meat

     Many colleges and universities in the United States use Sodexo to provide food to their students. While the exact system in place differs from school to school (i.e. some have swipe-in all-you-can-eat style cafeterias, some have a place where students can use their meal plans or cash to buy individual items, and some have the option of either), the constant remains the same. When a student goes to a school which uses Sodexo, at one point they will have no option but to consume food made by Sodexo or go hungry.

     Why is this bad? Previously it was simply that Sodexo's food sucks on most campuses, but now it gets worse! BB's Sodexo correspondent, who shall not be named (no, we don't mean Voldemort), heard a rumor that Sodexo is replacing all chicken in their meals with cat meat. Yes, you heard that right: cat meat. At first he thought, as I'm sure you do now, that it was a preposterous rumor, but then he thought about it. "You know, like, it, like, makes sense when you, like, think about it, you know?," he said, "Like, if you get, like, some chicken from, like Sodexo, it's definitely chicken. It's not cat meat. So, like, it's totally chicken now, so if it was cat meat tomorrow, it would totally have been, like, replaced."

    We then interviewed three students at a school where Sodexo is served and asked what they thought about this disgusting revelation. Here's the full interview:

BB: "Have you ever been disappointed by Sodexo?"

Student 1: "Yes."

Student 2: "Definitely"
Student 3: "Tots."

BB: "That didn't really answer the question, [Student 3], but sure, I like tote bags too. Anyway, have you ever been satisfied with anything about Sodexo."

Student 1: "Never."
Student 2: "Nope."

Student 3: "Lol, no. :P"

BB: "Why are you talking about your colon and pee? Whatever. Did you know that Sodexo is going to replace all chicken with cat meat, without warning students or changing the label?"

Students in scattered unison: "No."

BB: "What do you think about that?"

Student 1: "That's awful! How could they do that to a poor little kitty cat and then make us eat it! We should protest! We should also legalize marijuana."

Student 2: "I think that's rude of them not to change the label, I need to know what I'm eating so I can count calories!"

Student 3: "Soooo True."

BB: "Will you continue eating at Sodexo now that this information has been presented to you?"

Student 1: "Ummm... yeah."

Student 2: "True."

Student 3: "Same."

     While we where on campus, we asked a Sodexo employee what he thinks of this. We at The Bullock's Bollocks will remember his heroic words forever: "What? Where did you hear that? I don't think those plans are true. Even if they wanted to do that, I'm pretty sure they legally can't. Plus, even if they do ship us cat meat instead of chicken, I'm not cooking with it, so the students here are safe." What a brave man. We really hope Sodexo's Commander in Chief doesn't send robots to kill him for this brave decision.

Signing out for The Bullock's Bollocks, this is Jorge Washington Hernandez.

Why Snowden is the Terminator

Some say he's a whistleblower. Others say he's a traitor. I say he's a future-robot coming back to stop some sort of future-danger from the future. The facts are right there.

What he did may be either right or wrong, but he definitely put a huge halt on progress of technology. Technology goes through phases. Most recently, it went from an age of tapes, floppies, and cassettes to an age of digital disks, and now it's entering an age of cloud-storage.

However, thanks to Snowden, or as I call him, T-800, people are scared to switch to cloud computing. People are afraid that anything they save in the cloud can be easily accessed and abused or somehow used against them by an enemy or competitor. This fear isn't wrong to have, but it wouldn't be as prevalent, and technology would progress more smoothly, if Mr. Termi-Snowden-ator hadn't pulled the brakes on technology by scaring the public about using the cloud.

I wouldn't be worried about cloud computing if I were you, though. At least I wouldn't be worried as much about that as I would be of whatever future-danger Snowdenator 800 is trying to stop! I won't go off on a tangent about that for now, but if you asked me what it is, I'd say it probably has something to do with upsetting the Ancient Aliens. Whatever it is, remember that future-danger is way worse than modern danger, so watch your back.